There's a moment in the movie "Girl with a Pearl Earring" in which Johannes Vermeer looks over at the maid Griet and see's "it"; the composition, the painting and we the audience see this thru his eyes. We see that moment of realisation when we realise we have it.
Spark. It's been missing from my inner creativity banks for some time now and in my usual stubbornness I've fought the notion that maybe I need to reevaluate and reconfigure where to focus my energy on.
I think my generation, those of us born in the 60's and 70's were the first generation to not devote ourselves to one company or one industry for our entire lives like so many of our parents had. Most of my father's entire adult life was spent as a secretary, either in the military or as a civilian. Same thing with my mom. The notion of switching career paths simply because you weren't happy was a foreign concept. Even more foreign to them was the idea of doing something because you loved it, even if it didn't pay the bills. Adding to our own concept of freedom has, of course, been the world of business itself.
I never expected to be rich as a photographer nor wanted to be famous. I just wanted to share what I saw with the world, capturing moments of beauty and pain. Unfortunately the ability to do that has become disabled, in a large part, by the extremely fast-changing world of technology. What was supposed to make distributing information easier and faster has also become a race to keep-up, a race one can only stay in if one has the money. The digital age has proven to be exceedingly expensive and more labor intensive than when my world was 35mm film cameras and didn't require the latest most up-to-date software, memory cards and other computer equipment.
To repeat an old phrase, I can't afford to "keep up with the Joneses" and trying to do so has sapped me dry and I'm tired. I need to find a new outlet for my creativity, a new route to take at least until the time comes when I can afford (and want) to rejoin the race. Accepting that it's time to put aside being a "working" photographer, something I have been for most of my life, is not easy. But if I have even the slightest desire to ever be a part of that world again, I need to do this to save that dying spark.
I'm not giving up on photography completely for I have plenty of negatives and slides that need scanning/cataloging and my interest in reading up on what others are doing is still alive. I'll just be channeling my energy in a new direction.
So kiss me and smile for me"Leaving on a Jet Plane" by Peter Paul Mary
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go.
I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go.
4 responses:
I just had to comment and tell you that creativity doesn't have to be about "keeping up with the Joneses". To me, it's about doing what you love and expressing your creativity in whatever way you choose. I don't believe you have to be up to date with technology to be a "working" photographer. Plenty of working photographers out there have stuck with film or even more primitive modes of capturing images, Justin is a great example of that with his pin hole cameras and lumen prints. Please, please, please, Susan, don't give up! There is always a way to do things even without money. Believe me, I know! Why do you think I paint on records and guitars? Because I didn't have the money to buy canvases and that was what I had. I just want to encourage you to look within and find that spark, focus on it and make it bright again! If you need help with that, I'm here! :) Love ya gal and I hate to see any artist give up because of money! :)
I never said I was giving up. I'm merely reorganising my priorities and shifting where I focus my creativity. With no job and no money coming from anywhere right now I have to be selective in what I do and find other ways of being creative and one of those ways is working on the scanning and cataloging of negatives and slides that are in my library. I've certainly got plenty of images to play with.
I have no desire right now to do much of any shooting, especially when my gear is not working properly and I have no money to get the camera fixed. It's simply not fun and that's just how it is right now and I'm ok with admitting that and moving in a different direction for the time being.
I hear you loud and clear. I'm facing a similar decision myself, although not completely for the same reasons. I just long for life to be simpler; the technology I have the more complex things become. Considering options for my future!
Hang in there. If you need to talk, just let me know.
Peace, Judi
On some level I do wish for a bit more simplicity in my life, if only to make me more appreciative of what I do have, focus on what I have around me that I can use to feed my soul.
At the same time I still love computers, the internet, etc. and how it is much simpler to "meet" people, such as you, who don't live near me and the amazing exchange of information.
I fear though that the excessively fast changes and the cash needed nowadays is only creating further division instead of uniting.
...or maybe I'm just naive.
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