Finding Home

Sitting at the dining table waiting for Nichelle to show-up while Pam and Dejo take in the Tour de France "prologue." Can't say I've ever gotten into watching this event but it does make me miss owning a bike, feeling the wind whoosh across my face cooling me off.

Day three of my vacation here in Colorado, staying in Castle Rock w/ Pam and Dejo. For those not familiar with Colorado, Castle Rock is about 20 miles south of Denver...basically one of those "bedroom communities" that sprung up in the mid-1990's for people working in the city but not wanting to live in the city.

Since crossing the state line between NM and CO I have come to the conclusion that it's time for me to return home and for me to even consider a specific place "HOME" is a big freakin' deal because up till now I've never felt like I had a home, i.e. a place I belonged. I've struggled my entire life trying to fit in but not wanting to actually allow myself to fit in because, I tell myself, as soon as I did that then I would stop exploring, stop growing. Yeah, I know, I can be sooo illogical sometimes.

It's time for me to stop running, stop hiding. He doesn't live in Denver proper anymore but even that doesn't matter anymore because I need to stop being afraid of running into him or whoever from the past that was my married life. Those memories will always be a part of me and people will come and go for the rest of my life. I've exerted control in the areas that I can control, i.e. no longer having him or certain folk within my social media life but I can't control if I were to see someone on the street.

It's time for me to reclaim the memories I want to reclaim and to build new memories.

Yesterday, Friday, I spent most of the day in Denver visiting with Victoria whom I hadn't seen since November 2006. We went to the Denver Art Museum to see the King Tut exhibit, had breakfast at Moe's Bagels, lunch at the Denver Diner, ice cream at Lik's. Wandered into Fashion Nation and this totally divine new place called the Beauty Bar (it's where the Snake Pit used to be) and bought some Strongbow Cider at Argonauts. Looking back you'd think I was eating my way through downtown Denver! *lol* But actually I haven't eaten much due to my stomach not playing nice the past couple of days for whatever absurd reason.

The entire day I just felt right, I felt home. Yeah the traffic was crazy, the traffic lights seemed much shorter than I remembered and the roadways are still falling apart. And I got confused about what direction I was facing (in New Mexico the mountain range is on the east, in Colorado it's on the west) and had to have Victoria give me reminders of where things were located. But overall everything just snapped back together, held my hand and said, "it's going to be alright."