Whirlwind Two Days

The past week & 1/2 has been fairly hectic, dealing with my belovedly expensive printer going kaput on me in the midst of trying to get ready for two art shows in addition to simply dealing with the normal life issues.

Come Friday I was wiped-out. I had told myself that I would use Friday day to take care of all the household chores that had been ignored for the past week; laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc.... I got the bedroom taken care of and some dishes washed and that was it. Around 2pm I decided to hell with it and took a relaxing two hour nap and then awoke with a start when I realised I still needed to go to the store to buy some flowers.

Friday was Yvette's birthday. Yvette being Garrett's mom and a lady I have come to enjoy. When I found out on Wednesday that it was her birthday and that she and Garrett would be coming to my art show at Chroma Gallery....well to say I was happily surprised was an understatement. She wanted to come spend her birthday evening at an exhibit that featured my art?? Damn...not even my best friend would take time off from some uncle visiting to make an appearance. But that's a whole different grumble of mine that I just don't even want to get in to.

So I figured the least I could do was buy her some flowers. I love flowers and believe everyone (well those who love flowers too!) should have 'em around. I had wanted to get her Gerbera Daisies but didn't find any at the market so instead got a small bundle, 4 or 5 stems, of bright golden yellow sunflowers.

You'd of thought I gave her million dollars the way she smiled and Garrett too. All evening he kept telling me how happy I made his mom and then on Saturday too. I suck at accepting compliments, kudo's, appreciatives....it's the whole "ohh gee I didn't do anything" response which truly translates from "ohhh, please don't like me and don't tell me I did something good." I've gotten better at keeping such thoughts to myself and am able to say "Thank you" much easier but internally it's still a struggle.

The opening was amazing with the most people in attendance that I've ever seen at Chroma. I am sooo immensely proud of Paula and her husband Aaron and all that they have accomplished. I found out later that evening that they sold 3 pieces that night, a new record. Unfortunately I wasn't one of the lucky artists but I know I will. My mom was able to make it despite her legs being in bad shape that day and was soon yakking away with Yvette....which only made me shiver wondering what sort of incriminating things she may of been divulging. Mom's do those sorts of things, ya know.

Aaron made a huge impression on Garrett with Garrett spending most of the evening listening to him perform his guitar solo's. I hope that he will take advantage of the free classes that Aaron is offering. As he and his mom were leaving he told me how much he enjoyed the evening and said what a great bunch of friends I had. And he's right. I am truly blessed with the people I currently have in my life and sometimes I get fearful that I will loose it all, that I'll wake-up and it all never existed. Or I'll do something to screw things up.

Saturday I got some more cleaning done before I had to boogie out to Deb & Devon's pool party @ Devon's parents house. I had figured I would be attending solo as I hadn't received an answer from Garrett but then he called me around 11am asking when I was leaving and said he'd be "down with" going. A nice surprise for my day! And which also meant that he'd be meeting a whole different bunch of people from my life. I can only imagine how overwhelming it may of been for him....or maybe I'm just projecting my own bizarre outlook on life. *lol* I was nervous of the idea of putting on a swimsuit, something I'd not done in many years but I took the plunge, literally, although I made Garrett turn around (in the pool) before I jumped in. Ok, so I'm an odd duck, what can I say.

Dang how I've missed being in water. I just LOVE to swim and play in water. My very mischievous side comes out big time when I'm in the water and I blame my father for this trait cause he got very silly with us kids when we went swimming. I did my usual diving under and then coming up right next to Deb, scaring her or grabbing her. Tried to knock Garrett off his raft but well, he's a big dude and the chances of me being able to knock him off of anything is pretty much a hallucination of my imagination!! We eventually got out when the kiddies began to infiltrate and take over, getting some more food & drinks. He made me my first ever gin & tonic, then another one but with some sort of Blood Orange liquor added.

It was after 5pm when we finally left. The weather had been absolutely perfect with the right amount of clouds, some storm clouds on occasion and plenty of sun. Despite the sunscreen I still got lots of pink and was feeling soooo tired and my skin felt like a red-hot poker...this is what happens when one doesn't expose themselves in such a manner. The evening was supposed to have me at Paula & Aaron's for a BBQ but I just couldn't do it and fell asleep by 6pm. It's now Sunday night and I still am mildly exhausted. But it's a happy exhaustion. *big smile*


"Life in a Northern Town" Dream Academy

Summer of Growth

When I was a kid or better put, when I was a pre-30-something-year-old I recall having the requisite gasp whenever our elders talked about being "older." As in, in their 30's older cause we all know that by 30 we might as well as had one foot in the grave. But other than this typical childlike fear I can't say I truly recall what it is I thought this part of my life would be like, emotionally that is because I've never strayed from the photographer course. About the only thing constant in my life.

Here I am at 39, eight months away from turning 40, five months away from the year 2010 and I feel as if I'm just beginning to live. 39 years old and life is expanding in ways I never ever could of imagined..... well maybe aside from the imagining being a bit less poor than I currently am part.

I was watching a special recently on Nat Geo or History Channel or some such cable channel that was discussing Jesus Christ and the writings in the bible that focused on his "teaching" and "preaching" to the Israelites. One of the interesting points of the hour-long show was the fabled "Sermon on the Mount" event.

In Matthew 5:3 it's written: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." This was contrasted with the writing in Luke 6:20: "And raising his eyes toward his disciples he said: "Blessed are you who are poor, for the kingdom of God is yours."

Not to get preachy or such but I find the Matthew passagae to be far much more important a blessing than the Luke writing. For me, spirituality has always been about the SPIRIT and how alive your soul is. The rest will follow as you learn to allow it to be attracted to you. I've tried to explain this to my mom, she being such a devout Christian and all, but honestly I end up wanting to walk away in frustration for she will eventually bring up all the "help" she has given to me and my brothers, all the dissappointment she feels over "our lives" not being "more." A child can only handle hearing how disappointed their mother is for sooo long.

Yeah I'm not rich, hell I'm down there in the below-poverty range of American statistics. But since getting laid-off back in January my world has grown immensely and intensely. Seven months ago I wouldn't of predicted that my neighbour Garrett and I would become such intimate friends, that my friendships with Deb and Paula would mature so beautifully. And in return I have gotten to watch these and others grow in ways that I'm not sure they would have predicted. My life has been a cacophony of experiences lately and I sure as hell hope it doesn't end any time soon, despite how painful it can get.

Garrett and I's friendship, I think anyway, is built-on the notion that we don't need to "be in" a relationship in order to know that we are more than friends. He's got his life, I have mine and when we can we share it together. Plus I'm just now coming to the realisation that the idea of an actual long-term relationship or even going into the realm of love scares the absolute shit out of me. I've never been good with saying the words "I love you" as my ex-husband can attest to. Normally it's the other way around but nope, not me, I gotta buck the trends. I had me a cool guy who was all too comfy with telling me he loved me and I was all too eager, in the beginning, to run scared in the other direction. Such sentimentality was rare in the youth of my family and I'm not sure I can remember my father ever telling me he loved me until the day I got married. So when the day came that Dave told me he loved me, all I could do as my body tensed and my brain reeled was stutter out, "ahhh..ohh....I really like you."

Less than a week ago at Chroma Gallery meeting with Paula to get ready for this coming Friday's art show, I broke down crying. I've been having a littany of tech problems which has prevented me from fully participating in my world of photography and at some moments has truly made me question EVERYTHING. Paula came over and hugged me tightly telling me it was going to be ok and as she pulled back she looked at me and said, "I love you Susan. This is what friends do for each other." And WHAM! my body tensed and I felt that damn fear strangle my voice as I muttered back, "me too."

The thing is, I can write "I love Paula." Cause I do. Her friendship has been one of the most enriching experiences of my life. But to physically say it? I'm working on it. As for Garrett, yikes. Yeah I love our friendship and the fun times we're having but is it love and what does that even mean? Hell if I know. Now the ironic thing here is that Paula will surely read this entry because she's subscribed and so now she'll know the big secret I've been hiding which is essentially my way of telling myself, "Hey, it's ok to tell your friends you love them. They won't turn to dust or run off to another continent!"

So there you have it dear friends, that's my current update. Oh and in case you were wondering, yes the hormones are still alternating between schizophrenic and...and...hmm...nope, pretty much they are completely schizophrenic!!

"No es Tan Cierto' Juana Molina

Pain, Pleasure and Sleep

Years of thinking about it but never quite having the nerve to follow thru. Well I finally got up the courage, got some recommendations, wrangled a friend to accompany me and off we went this week.

Both ears, upper/outer area. Surprisingly enough the pain wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. Most people I had talked to had said that getting the cartilage area pierced would hurt like a motherfucker but it wasn't nearly that bad.

I think Paula was more nervous than I was, to tell ya the truth! *lol* The right ear went quickly and with just a bit of a pinch. The left ear....well, not so easy. You know me, I always gotta be just a teeny bit uncooperative. It's pretty tender to, giving me a bit of a pause when I try to sleep on that side. But all-in-all not bad so far. It'll be two or three months for the ears to do their proper healing, which is killing me cause I am dying to wear, like four different earrings!!

I also need to cut my hair so I can show off the new additions. Right now the hair is just toooo shaggy and long unless I'm wearing a scarf/headband.

Sleep has never been much of a bedfellow. Always restless, thrashing about...when I'm actually able to saunter off into slumberland, that is. Anyone who has ever slept with me can attest to the amazing physical feats of aggression I'm able to accomplish while asleep. Then I'll have periods where I sleep heavily, as in dead as a boulder heavy. Khruschev could of ignited the WWIII in my bedroom and I'd of not woken-up.

But recently my body has been going thru some funky hormonal changes....(oh how I love getting older)...and all of a sudden I've become sensitive to caffeine. I think the last time drinking a soda after 8 p.m. kept me awake was back in the early college years, i.e. 1988-1990. I was still a newbie to such vices, *lol*, having grown-up with parents who didn't allow their kids to drink soda except for picnics, parties, holidays. Over the years though I'd grown out of that phase....not to say that's a good thing but on some perverse level I took glee in being able to drink a can of soda and then conking out in bed.

No more or so it seems. A soda, past even the early hour of 7 p.m. kicks my brain past overdrive and I'll find myself staring into the darkness wishing the soft glow from my alarm-lamp didn't bother me so. I've done some "studies" and have found that indeed, when I abstain from the oh so addictive caramel-coloured sugar-laced caffeine drink of choice (typically Pepsi) I am able to fall asleep and stay asleep for at least 5 hours. Which, believe it or not, is an amazing feat for me!

Oh and the dreams...wow...the dreams I've been having. As usual I'm throwing in all the characters I've been thinking a lot about lately which I have to umm...shyly admit to sharing my dream time with such folks as Robert Pattinson, Matthew Gray Gubler, Hugh Jackman. Not that I'm complaining!! *lol* And get yer juvie mind out of the gutter cause, as usual, my dreams tend to be boring when it comes to matters of the sexual nature. I think I'm doomed to have no fun in my dreams.

The main difference emerging in my dreams is the level of anger I'm expressing. It used to be that the anger was either directed AT me or around me but now, lately, it's been ME that is getting angry. Lots of yelling, heart racing, stomping out of rooms, etc. But when I wake-up, I'm not feeling any of it. Very odd. Wouldn't mind going back to my dreams of flying....now those were fun dreams!

"Just Dance" Lady Gaga

The 9's of Our Life

9, 19, 29, 39

Years of our lives that all denote the tail-end of a era and the slow skittish opening to a new decade. The first two 9's for me were fairly good one's, that I can recall. For my 19th celebration I decided to reproduce one of my much younger birthdays by dunking my face into my birthday cake. Why I choose to do this, honestly I can't remember but I'm sure it had something to do with my mom or dad bringing it up and me being the "oh well I can be silly again!" sort of mentality.

But 29 I remember clearly for the lack of enthusiasm I had for this particular number. I truly just didn't care and didn't want to think about it. Then I hit 30 and again it was sort of like, "well this sucks, in a way but there's still time to go back." Go back? Yeah, you know, jump back over the fence to my 20's....seriously, this is what I thought. And then came 31 and it was like all bloody fucking panic because the wall came down and there was NOOOO getting back over the fence. Nope, sorry, you loose.

The years came and went and it's now 2009 and I just celebrated my 39th birthday last month. And again it just wasn't that big a deal but what I've since come to realise is that unlike the year of 29 where I thought far too much about not wanting to think about it, this year it's wasn't that I didn't have any enthusiasm or wanted to ignore it, it's sorta like I'd have to shake my head every now and then and go 'Oh hey, my birthday is this week." ....I wonder if this is what it feels like to celebrate getting older as a single woman. Having no one around to make a big deal of it or rather having someone around which causes one to have expectations of that someone.

The past couple of weeks have been an awkward time, emotionally speaking and not just for me for I've now had two other girlfriends within the same age range talk about how the faucet handles have been running hot & cold in rapid succession. I've started referring to these moments as Emotional Hot Flashes, (EHF).

None of us is, hopefully anyway, anywhere near the menopause stage but if this what physical hot flashes feel like, boy are we fucked. I've tried to put the thumb tack on one reason, any excuse to pinpoint the exact location of said EHF but alas I've come up short. It seems like damn near anything either sends me into hysterical fits of laughter or weeping and gasping for air. And so I decided I needed to really just immerse myself in the pain of love and life and so I went to see a movie tonight.

"Der Vorleser," otherwise known here in America as The Reader was showing at the discount theatre and had been on my radar for quite some time and I just knew it'd be the perfect immersion in the release of pain I apparently have been seeking. I'll be finding a copy of the book as soon as I finish all the other reading I've got stacked-up. It's that good.

Ouch and I do mean OUCH! The characters in The Reader just ripped me up one side and and down the rest of me...leaving me feeling so damn conflicted as to whether Hanna truly understood the gravity of her role as an SS guard at Auschwitz. Or why exactly Michael choose not to divulge the information he had that would of exonerated Hanna from the most hideous of the charges. As his law professor stated soooo very clearly, Michael had a MORAL obligation to divulge the information he had to the courts but he chooses not to, thus condemning Hanna to life imprisonment. But what about Hanna's moral obligation to humanity? Does she not see that by maintaining her position as a guard, by upholding her "responsibility," as she angrily screams in the courtroom, she condemned hundreds of innocent Jews to death?

There is no clear answer, at least in my opinion. Life doesn't follow the path of ease and refinement, that would be asking far too much of it. And yet, I still struggle with this very desire. The cravings for a nice crisp blueprint fresh from the printers that lays it all out in plain easy to read letters and numbers continues to pound on my psyche even as I rebel against my self-imposed stereotype. For one has to wonder where's the reward in exerting such tremendous effort knowing it's all for naught?

It is this very argument that pushes me, kicking and screaming, out of my comfort zone and away from the old and into the new. I've had to say goodbye to two very dear friendships in the past month because quite simply, it was time to move on and all I was doing was causing my head and heart to hurt. Other friendships continue to evolve for which I'm grateful. And how cool is a friend that gets you this very awesome shotglass from New Orleans?!?! I can almost forgive her for not being able to find a vampire to bring back for me....almost. *big grin*

On my birthday I went to a bar that I'd never been to, alone. Knowing only that there would one guy there that I knew merely from the local social network site Duke City Fix. I could feel my heart pounding as I parked the car and walked into Imbibe and within 10 seconds I was ready to flee home and hide. But I didn't and for that I'm glad as I had a great time, meeting new people. Will I ever see them again? Maybe and maybe not. It was fun and that's all that matters.

Life is still beginning and evolving.

"Song to Say Goodbye" Placebo

King of Tax Cuts = Pain for Everyone Else

Just got this info from MoveOn.org. Oh sure, people can insist that therefore it's biased in favour of Obama, in favour of the "liberals." Whatever, these are facts, plain & simple.

Do you know what tax rate the wealthiest Americans paid on the top portion of their earnings at the end of Ronald Reagan's first term? 50%.

Under Richard Nixon? 70%.

Under Dwight Eisenhower? 91%

And for all the whining about rolling back Bush's irresponsible tax cuts, the truth is that Obama's plan cuts taxes for 95% of working Americans. Further, it closes huge tax loopholes for oil companies, hedge funds and corporations that ship jobs overseas so that we can invest in the priorities that will get our economy back on track.

We saw a great chart in The Washington Monthly3 that shows just how absurd Republican complaints about Obama's budget are. Check it out and pass it on:

Sources:

1. "A socialist? Obama calls back to insist no," The International Herald Tribune, March 8, 2009
http://www.iht.com/articles/2009/03/08/america/barack.php

2. "Tax Cuts," The New York Times, February 26, 2009
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/27/washington/27web-tax.html

3. "Soaking the Rich (Redux)," The Washington Monthly, March 8, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51234&id=15734-5563390-y.KyUSx&=2

_______________________________________________________

Under Bush II, tax cutting became a key policy of the administration whereas under President Bill Clinton in the 1990s, only one modest tax cut bill was signed into law. Thus, when Bush came to power there was a pent-up demand for tax cuts, and the administration soon delivered.

Some key elements of Bush's 2001 tax cut, according to the CATO Institute, which incidentlly was the largest tax cut since 1981 were:

• A reduction of individual income tax rates from 15, 28, 31, 36, and 39.6 percent to 10, 15, 25, 28, 33, and 35 percent;
• An increase in the child tax credit from $500 to $1,000;
• A phased-in reduction in estate taxes, and a one-year repeal in 2010;
• A big expansion of tax-favored retirement savings plans.

Now what did all this "giving the wealth back to the owner" do for America? Taxpayer bailout of banks, i.e. rich CEO's & their families, men like Bernie Madoff managed to steal billions of dollars. Taxpayer bailout of insurance companies, i.e. rich CEO's & their families. Lack of American government support for the Kyoto Protocol because according to Bush and his Environmental Protection Agency, they concluded that the climate changes observed over several decades "are likely mostly due to human activities, but we cannot rule out that some significant part of these changes is also a reflection of natural variability".

Tell that to the polar bears. Even IF global warming were entirely man-made, why does that mean that we as inhabitants of this planet shouldn't attempt to take care of what we have here? I had a friend once quote me a part of the bible that says God gives man dominion over the animals, etc. So I asked him, does that mean we should then just continue that dominion until everything and everyone is dead, doing absolutely nothing to fix things? He never responded back to that question.

Small business owners suffered immensley under Bush, a group of individuals that Republicans are constantly raving about as the key to the American dream.

Since 2003, 15 federal investigations have found that Bush Administration officials have diverted billions of dollars in federal small business contracts to Fortune 500 firms and thousands of other large businesses in the U.S. and Europe.

From the American Small Business Website:

GAO-03-704T | TESTIMONY BEFORE THE COMMITTEE ON SMALL BUSINESS, HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES | May 7, 2003

Contract Management: Reporting of Small Business Contract Awards Does Not Reflect Current Business Size
Summary: According to FPDS, five large companies that the GAO reviewed received contracts totaling $1.1 billion in fiscal year 2001, including $460 million as small business awards.

ANALYSIS OF TYPE-OF-BUSINESS CODING FOR THE TOP 1,000 CONTRACTORS RECEIVING SMALL BUSINESS AWARDS IN FY 2002 | December 2004

“Of the top 1,000 small business contractors in FY 2002, Eagle Eye Publishers' analysis found 44 parent companies it identified as either large firms or 'other.' Contracts to these two groups taken together had a total value of $2 billion.” “As a result of this lack of transparency, many awards that should be reserved for small firms . . . go to large firms unchallenged.”

An unemployment rate of 8.1 as of February, a level not seen since 1982's 10.8%. 9,000 new unemployment insurance claims as of March 7th which brings the number of Americans unemployed to 654,000, according to the Labor Department.

So for all those who scream and rant against tax increases, that such a move will lead to a Socialist American government, that people have the "right" to keep all their money to themselves, I say to you...Go ahead and keep your head in the sand while the rest of us choose to move forward and step off the cliff of uncertainity in search of a better America for all.

"My Name Is Bocephus" Hank Williams Jr.

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It's No Fun If Someone Doesn't Get Hurt

After much hmmming and haawwwing I decided to take a mini-vacation and get out of town. It needed to be somewhere inexpensive, i.e. not too far a drive and where I could stay with friends.

So off to Silver City, NM I went to visit my friends Kyle and Josh whom I hadn't seen since 2004. I met Kyle in 1995, I think anyway, at ASC when he graduated with his MA. I truly don't recall the specifics but I think I got invited via other friends to go to his graduation party or maybe I just knew him from around the art dept. The memory is probably written down in one of my journals. Not that it truly matters right now.

Kyle & Josh are two of the most amazingly loving people I have ever known and one of the few couples I know anymore that are still together. 30 years I believe. I don't know how they've done it but I suppose that doesn't really matter either because all that matters is they have. And not only do they have love for one another but they seem to have an endless supply for everyone else as well.

I drove down on Monday, allowing myself plenty of time to do my usual exploring. Kyle had recommended taking Hwy 152 off of I-25 which would take me thru a little town called Hillsboro and up into the mountains of the Gila National Forest. I'd never driven in this part of New Mexico, south along I-25 yes but never westward. Not knowing what to expect I came upon Hillsboro and decided to stop and wander around, although I soon discovered that with the exception of a cafe & the post office, NOTHING was open. Apparently it only comes alive on the weekends....for all 'dem tourists I guess.

Despite knowing I was heading southward which equals increased sunshine, it never occurred to me to take my sunscreen. And on Tuesday when the three of us left the house and Kyle mentioned taking me to this place called the City of Rocks, I still didn't consider the need for sunscreen. I tell ya, sometimes I need someone to bonk me over the head and drag me. Luckily, all I ended up with after our mild wandering amongst the rocks excursion was a red neck & shoulders.

Walking amongst huge boulders, some very solid looking, others perched precipitately on top of one another, I'd stop and place my hand on a rock and wonder how old that one was and then do the same for another rock. Some boulders were covered in lovely green & golden-brown moss while others, layers crumbled with barely a touch. Occasionally we'd turn a corner and be met with a WHOOSH of air barreling thru the path. Night time must be incredibly magical here.

But as all good things come to an end, my luck ran out on Wednesday. Wednesday we left Silver City and headed north into the Gila Forest ending at the Gila Cliff Dwellings. This time Josh reminded me to put on the magic lotion elixir and we all took bottles of water. Never having been there I had in my mind that the area was similar to other Native American cliff dwelling spots I'd visited in my youth.
Boy I couldn't have been more wrong. The Gila location is a tall narrow canyon filled with Juniper and a burbling creek. It's astonishing to see these structures built into the caves and trying for the life of me to figure out how the hell they even got into some of them...without falling down the cliff. But then I'm a klutz and it's hard for me to imagine anyone never falling or tripping!

We'd gotten thru all the caves, well the one's that are accessible to the standard tourist, and I'd just finished climbing down the ladder from Cave 4 and began stepping down the stone steps when tradition sprang into action and my feet went out from under me..or went forward or sideways...either way when you're already leaning slightly forward and in a downward position and one part of your body doesn't do the same thing as the rest of the body....well its bound to end badly.

The camera naturally was saved due to my swift reaction which is due to my experience with such tumbles. Once again, it's cheaper to fix my body than it is the camera body, plain and simple. *lol* In the end, the damage isn't as bad as previous mishaps although parts of my body probably would like to argue that every time I get up from having been sitting for a while. The left knee & shin area is scrapped up, bruised and amazingly swollen to where even Josh could see the lumps thru my jeans. The right elbow managed to get just a few knicks and the right knee has a couple small bruises.

All-in-all I had a wonderful time seeing a part of New Mexico I hadn't seen yet and being with Kyle and Josh and Billy Bob, their feline purrrrr monster. I will say that despite the wonderfully healthy food they cooked EVERY day....wow it's been years since I ate that good!...I was jonesing for a soda by the time I headed back to Albuquerque. *lol* Still though, it's always a good idea to get out of your comfort zone every-now-and-then. Wakes-up senses that had fallen asleep.

"Tere Bin Nahin Lagda" Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan

Perspective of a 38-year old

It's not often that I pay to see movies that are primarily aimed at the teenage to young adult category but when it involves vampires, well... there's just not much that's going to stop me. To say I'm fascinated by the mythology of vampires is to put it mildly.

So there I was on Valentines Day sitting in a packed movie theatre for the showing of "Twilight." Admittedly I'd underestimated the number of people that would be at the local cheapo theatre on V-day for I was really surprised when I got to the ticket window I was warned of the possibility that the only seats might be in the front rows. Thankfully that didn't happen and I got a perfect aisle seat.

I've not read any of the "Twilight" series books so the only thing I knew about the flick (aside from it being about vampires) was that it starred Robert Pattinson, who portrayed Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix. I'd really liked him in that role and so was eager to see him in a different movie. Plus he's a cutie and that ALWAYS helps!

The first thing I noticed about the movie was its obsession with sweeping views of the scenery, whether it was Arizona or Washington. Now, I don't mind geting the opportunity to see what the world looks like from the top of the tree-line but after awhile one can't help but wonder if the director wasn't simply filling up time. Now I'm sure the book had plenty of dialogue and/or storyline being as the book versions typically do.

Perhaps instead of swirling amongst the trees and then zooming back in on our loved one's...for the 100th time, the director (or whomever) could of filled us in on some backstory? I would of liked to have had a bit more detail on Edwards beginnings, primarily pre-vampire. I've found that knowing who the individual was prior to them being turned always provides a wealth of information on the kind of vampire they will be and are. And by not providing us with this information we are dealt a disservice.

I did appreciate the use of relatively unknown actors being as I'm a firm believer in giving the underdog a hand-up. Such movies as The DaVinci Code and Valkyrie were ruined by the choice of using high-ranking actors who obviously did not fit the character that they were portraying.

The actors who did a great job: Billy Burke as dad Charlie, Ashley Green as Alice Cullen, Peter Facinelli as Dr. Carlisle Cullen and Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black. Burke did a wonderful job of being a conflicted "new" father to a high school-age daughter who can't figure out how to be caring and not overbearing. Oh and I LOVED the scene in which he play fights/dances with his friend Billy Black and the juxtaposition of the "adults" to the kids. Reminds me of how embarrassed I'd get when my parents acted young. *lol*

Robert Pattinson did a fair job of portraying Edward Cullins, channelling a bit of moody self-loathing Louis de Pointe du Lac of Interview With The Vampire fame. His movements though seemed a bit too stiff, like he was trying to be stiff instead of it just coming naturally. Perhaps it's just young actor inexperience.

I did not care for Kristen Stewart who played new girl Bella Swan. I haven't a clue what she was like in her previuos roles but in Twilight she was just B-O-R-I-N-G. I almost wept with joy whenever a smile would creep out from beneath her face. I mean come on now, teenage-hood isn't the greatest time of one's life but what in the world did she have to be so damn dreary about? She moves to a completely different part of the country to live with a dad she barely knows and yet seems to be very easy-going and as she says in the movie, "He doesn't hover." She makes friends her very first day at the new high school. HEEELLOOO??? SERIOUSLY?? Puhleeze. Oh and let's not forget about being asked to the prom. So yeah, she got no sympathy from me.

What I liked most about the movie was the memories of insecurities and angst mixed with those youthful moments of exploration. I remember how I felt as I was falling in love for the first time and how one moment I was excited and the next scared out of my wits. The slight blushing of my face and the warming of my body as we sat next to each other, our bodies not quite touching, not quite sure what to do. I appreciated the sexual tension created between the two kiddos, the not throwing in our face yet another movie in which two under-18-year-olds' get it on. But then I've always preferred to use my imagination when it comes to matters of the skin.

Not surprisingly then one of my favourite moments was when Edward tells Bella not to move, that he "wants to try one thing," and to "remain very still" as he moves in close to kiss her. The quietness of that moment mixed with the uncertainty was really well done and what can I say, it made the young girl in me all giggly. *lol* And what can I say there's a part of me, the romantic side, that would love for a man to kiss me that way.

Probably the biggest issue I had with the movie was the soundtrack. For being a "teen" oriented movie the soundtrack was hardly suited to what I hear kids listening to these days or even vaguely romantic. According to the author, Stephenie Meyer, on her website she writes that she listened to Travis, Coldplay, OMD, Dido, Linkin Park, Cranberries, etc. I can understand the difficulties in getting music labels & artists to provide a release for their songs plus the expense involved, but not with all of these artists. Now unless I was asleep throughout the movie I don't recall ever hearing any of these folks, at least not noticeably. Instead we were treated to the most dull instrumental music not heard since the days of "elevator music" in the 1980's.

To be fair I did like the music during the baseball scene, as well as the entire scene itself. The very idea of vampires playing baseball...is...well...hilarious! But at the same time it was pretty darn cool with fairly decent cinematography. And the song, haven't a clue who the artist is, that plays while Edward is sucking the venom out of Bella's wrist was well choosen. Would like to know who the singer/band is.

"Till I Kissed You" Everly Brothers